Thursday, August 4, 2011

Shuck Fark Week

Always use protection when
playing Shark Week drinking games
Don't get me wrong - Sharks are badass. They swim around in waters too deep for you to navigate, just so that they can scurry over at the slightest hint of a pinprick of blood and devour you with their many rows of teeth in a dramatic fashion. They're natural born killers with a thirst for blood that will always be scary, no matter how cute Pixar makes them look, or how fake Dreamworks makes 'em look. However this does not necessarily mean they deserve their own week on the Discovery Channel. 

Now I love the Discovery Channel as much as the next guy, and I understand their need to attract an audience that isn't trying to fall asleep or my dad, but I'll just let internet sensation Jenna Marbles cover my opinions on Shark Week:

So there you have it. A common sense approach to what Shark Week actually is. Does this mean I think Shark Week should be eradicated? Helllllz nahh. I mean, I don't even watch the damn thing* and I still think it's fun. I just think that the whole event needs to get with the times...evolve, if you will. Such begins the second half of my "constructive criticism":
*saw about 5 minutes last night

Kevin Corrigan - quite
possibly a bear himself
Think about it - They're scary, hairy and even kill regular people who aren't rich enough to go on vacations to exotic locations. The idea's been growing in my mind ever since earlier this week, when I read an article by College Humor's Kevin Corrigan listing 10 Reasons Why Bear Week Would Be Better Than Shark Week. He's got some pretty compelling arguments, and face it - bears are just as badass as sharks.

...or better yet, why not do a week of each? Cap it off with a third week of world class biologists speculating over which of the two was stronger, while you have computer simulations of the two facing off in various depths of the sea. Just saying - instead of one Shark Week in the middle of the summer, August could be an entire Monster Month!!! Dream big people...if anyone can make it happen, it'd be the Discovery Channel.

Which is why I think everyone who has read this far into my insignificant ramblings (and is thus at least somewhat emotionally invested in this topic) should sign Kevin Corrigan's official petition to get Discovery Channel to institue a "Bear Week". He's already almost all the way to his goal of 7,500 signatures - help him get all the way there before he sends the petition along with his article over to Discovery Channel on August 6th. Click here to view the petition.

You might just end up seeing some sh*t like this: