Thursday, July 28, 2011


With so much fcuked up neat stuff going in the World, I thought it'd be kind of cool for me to move away from my usual rants about random bands that you'll never listen to more than once, and do my own version of the evening news. Here are the headlines...MTLivin style:

So if you haven't heard, the U.S.A. owes China a whoooole bunch of money and, to put it simply, the U.S. Government must negotiate a way to deal with it by August 2 (by either raising taxes, cutting spending, or both), or else their credit will 'default' and none of their payments will be processed (i.e. Social Security & whatnot). Experts have speculated that this will turn the entire country will turn into a zombie-infested post-apocalyptic wasteland*.

*may or may not actually happen

This all sounds manageable so far though - Barack's at the helm...he'll crunch the numbers, make some unpopular decisions, and end up saving the country yet again, right? Wrong. Standing in his way are a few very stubborn, very well-funded Republicans who have a knack for speaking in sound-bytes to the small SuperSized portion of the American population that listens to public figures such as Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.

The guy screwing
everyone over would be
named Boehner...
Leading this charge is House Speaker John Boehner, who is not budging from the stance that he will NOT allow Barack Obama's socialist regime to raise taxes at any cost (especially if that cost is to large corporations) despite all evidence stating that you need to make as much money as you are spending.

Verdict: I just get angry every time I hear about what some of these guys are trying to pull, so I've tried to stop paying attention to this one. Most of the Americans I've encountered on the internet are of the same mind, so here's to hoping they contact their local Congressmen and do something about it. Me? I'm just gonna kick it here in Canada and watch the Government take ridiculous chunks out of my paycheck.

Speaking of my tax dollars...

As if having a mustache wasn't enough, he walks wit a limp... #swag
NDP leader not at liberty to disclose full details of mission

A few days ago, a rather spindly lookin' Jack Layton held a surprise press conference to announce that he was taking an Indiana Jones-esque leave from leading Canada's New Democratic Party to once again take on Cancer. The leader of the official opposition never departed from his tone of optimism, vowing to be back, stronger than ever in September to "fight for families" and "replace the Conservative Government in a few short years".

When we last left Layton, he had recently defeated prostate cancer before leading his party to a historical finish in the most recent Canadian election. No word on the official villain for the sequel, although some experts are speculating it could be a mutation of the original foe. Whoever it is, we'll be here waiting eagerly on the egde of our seats to see them defeated. (Maybe even complete the trilogy with Stephen Harper as the villain?)

Either way, I wish you have a speedy recovery Mr. Layton. You have my mustache's unwavering support. UPDATE: On Mr. Layton's recommendation, the NDP has chosen a rookie MP to be his interim replacement.

In Other Depressing News:
Right Wing Terrorist kills a bunch of kids; Former pop-star is driven to an early demise by crack-cocaine; Toronto city councillor has no idea who Margaret Atwood is and finally, There's a really big famine going on in Africa killing a lot of people

Ugh, fuck I can't do this anymore...

In Non-Depressing News...
California still appealing to pot-heads

A new bill is being proposed in California to "Regulate Marijuana like Wine". Proponents of the anti-prohibition movement are seeking to "repeal bad laws" and allow adults who were 21 years of age or older to grow, cultivate and sell marijuana in a taxed market similar to wine. All I can say here is that this plan is rooted in so much common sense that it would take the likes of John Boehner to screw this one up.

So there you have it - the only good news that isn't ridiculous fluff pieces is about legalizing it...Typical left-wing, student writer bullshit, right? Peace out world, I'm going to take my anti-depressants.

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